Why I don't like The Beatles.....

It seems from various encounters with Americans that because I come from the UK, I am automatically expected to have an affinity to football and The Beatles.
My thoughts on the first of those topics have been aired numerous times, so I won't bore you again here.

However, before I start my rant on the second of the above topics, I wish to say that it is not a hate of The Beatles that I have. I respect them for who they are - an overrated boyband. I know that this will upset a few people, but here are my thoughts....

"Hey John"
"Yes Paul?"
"I've met a lovely young lady and I think she loves me."
"She loves you?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

A number one hit right there...... utter wank.

Furthermore, I don't like The Beatles because there are so many better bands than The Beatles.

"I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob" - The Beatles.
"And as we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls...." - Led Zeppelin
"You run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking..." - Pink Floyd

Game. Set. Match.

Right, now this will really upset people:
John Lennon is a talentless idiot. Everyone seems to forget that there were FOUR members of the band. So why do we have such a deification of one member?
Oh, it's because he was shot. If Mark Chapman had never done the dastardly deed, then perhaps the world would be a better place as people would have realised how shit John was. Paul had all the talent. Everyone knows that.

And as for Imagine being the greatest song ever written - the "song of the millenium" - I can only say one thing.

Imagine a world without that song.
Nice isn't it?

A Farewell to Norway. Or; What is the plural of Moose?

Well, my roommate (and I use the term quite wrongly) has left... After what has seemed like the longest five-n-a-bit weeks of my life (thank you British "last minute" Airways), I finally have an apartment in Buenos Aires all to myself.

No longer do I have to hear him chomping and slurping on a Kiwi fruit as though it were the green, shrivelled, hairy nutsack of God himself.
No longer do I have to put up with him wandering around the place in nothing but his boxer shorts.
No longer do I have to listen to his opinionated, one sided babble about how Bosa Nova is the purest "art form" there is (I'm sorry, but it isn't).
No longer do I have to express reasons for my opinions (I don't like Flamenco because I DON'T LIKE FLAMENCO!!!)

I'm going to spend the next few days removing the stench of stale smoke from the flat, moving furniture to where I want it to go, and getting rid of all traces of the sixteen tonnes of facial cleansing products that he has left.

After that, I'm going to start enjoying my time in this country....
To quote the immortal words of WB Yeats: "Fuck Norway."

A.

Where is the wax??

Ok,
I'll admit that I have probably been complaining a little too much about Buenos Aires and Argentina.
I put it down to culture shock and the fact that not one single bathroom in this country has a lock on the door.

So I have decided to embrace Buenos Aires in all of its gargantuan glory, its monolithic mayhem and its titanic terror.

As a response to my previous blog on the Things I Miss (which, incidentally, I still do), I am now going to share with you some of the delights of Buenos Aires

1. Empanadas: Like little Cornish Pasties of delight - except not as shit.
2. Steak: Well, meat in general. God help you if you are a vegetarian and you decide to come here. The cows in Argentina must be fed on heroin because this stuff is awesome.
3. Cheap: What's that? A weeks worth of food shopping (including aforementioned steaks) for the equivalent of 20 Euros? Ker-Ching.
4. Wine: the beer in Argentina is crap. It's the alcoholic equivalent of a Dan Brown "novel". However, this is made up by the amazing (and cheap: see above) wine.
5. Australians: These guys are everywhere.

With the possible exception of the last one, these are a few of the reasons I am slowly adapting to this country.
Now if I could just get the bastards to speak English we'd be ok....

A.
ps: The title of this piece is dedicated to the fact that hair wax does not appear to be available outside Britain. But I am able to get a whole cow tongue from the local supermarket.

The Things I Miss...

It's sad that since I started this blog all I seem to have done is complain.
Some of you may be thinking: "A., what are you moaning about? You are living outside the UK in the wonderful city of Buenos Aires, Argentina. You are getting paid three times more than the "average wage" there, all your flights are paid for and you have free accomodation within a two minute walk from work. What the fuck is your problem...?

Well, these are the things I miss:

1. A normal bed: The flat is shared with a 6ft gay Norweigan who hates Americans, but loves the Kardashians. I am sleeping on a camp bed until he moves out and I get his bedroom.  Thank you boss for treating me like a fucking child and not a teacher.
2. A normal bedtime: "Coming out for a drink?", I am asked. What time? Meet around 3.... in the morning.  Um. Yeah, when the UK thinks about closing time, BA people (Portenos) are finishing eating and going out. And pubs don't exist here - it's either clubs or restaurants. Sensible bedtime please.
3. A lock on the bathroom: Good luck finding one of these...
4. A release from paranoia: I'm going to get mugged. It's just a matter of time. And I will just have to ask nicely that they don't stab me with the broken bottle they are holding against my throat.... this may never happen, but if I don't think about it, then it WILL happen (only today a young American guy from the school got jumped by 5 people on his way home).
5. A green field or a mountain: I would quite happily kill a gay Norweigan for a view of Snowdon right now.

Other things include: HP sauce, Monster Munch, family, friends (all of you bastards), bacon butties, Wotsits, the dog, a descent cuppa, getting pissed in Spoons and going to bed at midnight, pub quizes (pubs come to think of it), and many, many more...........

Good news is I'll be home in December.
Whether that is to stay, I don't know.
One thing is for certain, I'm not coming back here!!!
Maybe I can find something nice to say next time...
Ciao ciao,
A.

To bite off more than one can chew?

Here I am, survived the first 24 hours in Argentina.

First Impressions:

One:
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt!!!

Two:
Quote from John: "It's not like Europe where you have gentlemen crime and they will ask for your wallet, here they will kill you for it." Erm.... thanks?

Three:
Great coffee.

Only seven months to go.
It will take some getting used to, that's for sure.

Wish me luck...
A.

At last!! The new Millenium.

Hello.
I figured that since I am departing the EU for the first time in my life, I would try something else new and start one of these bloggy-things.

Not really sure what you want to hear from me (admittedly, I do feel this is a little self-indulgent, but what the crap, eh?). 
I have been living in Madrid for the last four-ish months, and in just under two days I am flying to Buenos Aires for seven months. I guess this will be a space for the crazy (read: possibly life-threatening) adventures.

Made some cool friends in Madrid, so hopefully my Forrest Gump streak of luck will continue in the Southern Hemisphere.  It's amazing how shit just falls together when you don't even try.......

Anyway, probably a really boring first blog, but you never know, I may be able to tell you all about revolutions, express kidnappings and, um, Guinea Pigs (no, that's Peru). Whatever...

Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful.
And if you can't be careful, blame someone else.
A.
(ps: how often am I supposed to update this thing?)