Hello,
Before we start on the fact that I have shamelessly ripped off my title from the epic Game of Thrones, let me first apologise for not updating for six months. I have tried to write another blog, but nobody seems to read that so I though I would come back here. Granted, I am not sure if anyone reads this either, but there we are.
To update: I am still in Argentina. After all the complaining that I did last year, you may be surprised to find that out. It should be that because I hate the place, surely I would have wanted to go home. My dissatisfaction with the Buenos Aires way of life is not the topic for this blog, or I would have titled it What's the Bloody Point....?, which has become my favourite and most used phrase in the city (eg: What's the bloody point in having doors on bathrooms if you aren't going to put a lock on it? We may as well just fit video cameras in the toilet so everyone can watch us on TV).
Anyway, the whole point of today is to celebrate the start of Autumn. Or rather, the death of summer. I realise that a lot of people are "summer people", and that is fine. I, however, am not one of those people. It's not that I DISlike summer, it's just I prefer winter. Summer is great: the sun comes out, it's warm, the flowers look nice and clothes seem to fall off lots of pretty girls.
But allow me to ask a question......
What is the bloody point in 28 degree heat at 1 O'Clock in the chuffing morning? I mean, what possible reason is there for that particular level of heat at that particular point of time? All it does is piss people off making them more inclined to start a fight, and bring out mosquitoes by the truckload (and we all know that mosquitoes are at number two on the Scale of Annoying right between children and people who talk during movies).
The only benefit I can think of is that wonderful feeling of turning over the sweat-soaked pillow you are sleeping on and finding the one and only cool patch in the bed/oven.
So yes, summer can bugger off. Winter is the king of seasons. Even Vivaldi knew this!
A few reasons why winter is great:
1) It looks nicer: Summer looks nice too, with lots of green grass, blue skies and bright flowers. But there is just something oh so special about seeing things with snow. It is as if an extra layer of white makes things so much more appealing. Mountains look nicer with a fresh layer of snow, cookies look tastier with a fresh sprinkling of icing sugar, hookers' arses look more tempting with a few lines of cocaine filed up on them.
2) You get to wear scarves: I know that "hipsters", or whatever you call them, can wear scarves any time of the year, but what they don't seem to understand is that wearing a scarf with a t-shirt makes you look like an idiot with a malfunctioning temperature gauge. Are you hot? Then why are you wearing a scarf? Are you cold? Then put on a fucking jumper, you twit. In winter, you wear a scarf because if you don't, your neck will get cold. Simple and practical.
3) The winter coat: This can be taken two ways. First, a big coat that is too big for summer and, therefore, must be worn in winter to avoid looking like a tit in summer (see above). Second, if you are a man, one effective way of combating the cold is to grow a beard. Like some animals that grow extra fur in winter, man can also grow extra fur. Standing in a field surrounded by a blizzard, wearing a big coat, a scarf and shielding an icy blast with some finely crafted face fuzz is what makes us men. Join all of that with a 1000 yard stare and a sword and you are right out of Game of Thrones (see it all linking in now?)
Two weeks ago here in Buenos Aires, winter was on it's way (read: the temperature had fallen to the low-twenties). Today, as I write this, it is hot. I am aware that the weather in the Northern Hemisphere is pretty shit at the moment (I believe you have snow in the UK), and that many of you would happily change places with me. My dear readers, my sweaty pits and I would gladly swap with you too.
Until next time,
Eric the Wonder Frog.
